Speechless...(Warning - Adult content... and the 'f' bomb))

I find I don't have a lot to say these days.  Maybe I am overwhelmed by the plethora (thinking of you Kim) of verbal diarhoea on Facebook.

Is no one else frightened by the sheer and overwhelming volume of images people are re-posting (aka 'share') on Facebook.

There seems to be nothing but hatred and venom oozing from almost every picture being put up.  Now I am not talking about people's personal snaps of their not-always-very-pretty kids in leotards, or the always-very-cute  pics of newborn grandkids, or the I-can't-believe-I-actually-cooked-this pics of food (of which I am very guilty), or even the too-cute-for-their-own-good pics of animals doing strange humanlike things.

Or this...



No.

I am talking about the ones that advocate shooting people or hurting them or belittling them.  I am talking about pics that tell me to fuck off for no other reason that I am allegedly not a good enough friend.  Problem is they never tell us what we are supposed to do to qualify for the group of friends who don't have to fuck off.

It is upsetting - do they mean ME?



This one was posted by someone I have not met but who is a colleague of my husband's.  She sounds so nice. Always cooking and sending love messages to her friends and family.  She seems to work hard and is always doing stuff - Cleaning, washing, cooking, looking after her hubby who was seriously ill for a while.  Just the sort of woman I search in vain for to befriend.  But then she posts things like this and I gotta wonder.  Just what the hell am I supposed to do to fit in?










The day before she posted this........

So she loves dogs but hates people???

Now either she is schizo or I am.

 






Another friend - and I do  know this guy - seems so mild mannered and then he posts this.... no points for guessing he is an American.  But then so is my hubby.. Ok now I'm scared.  LOL.

I mean ... this is a prayer for fuck's sake!!!!!












 How about this one from a friend who never swears.  Truly she never does and then this appears.  Is the whole world fake???? 

Is there anyone out there who is genuine and says what they think out loud instead of only posting it on Facebook.  I gotta tell you I am starting to wonder. How am I to judge a friendship if on the face of it people act all warm and fuzzy with their kiddies and their pets and their home cooked meals and then advocate for the gun lobby or post abusive/offensive placards.  Someone please explain it to me.  I really wish people would tell me to my face!  I mean of her 357 friends which ones are the assholes?  And if none of them are then why feel the need to post this.  Ergo some of them are.  And if I am one of them then why not tell me to my face.   I have just put myself into a logic loop - anyone know what that's called?

I am skeered peeeples!!!!!!!
 
 Now I may have mentioned before that I am not religious, or even spiritual, but what I am is intelligent.  I am so intelligent that I know enough to know that I don't know if there is a God out there or no. Notice I capitalised the word God?  I do it out of respect for those who do believe, since I want them to respect me.  Anyway, my point is that if there is a God out there then s/he is sure gonna be one pissed off deity when s/he notices what we are doing down here on planet earth.  God ain't gonna like it that we kill each other, rape each other, shoot each other and subject each other to the endless torture of opinions - just like this one right here.

God isn't gonna like that we claim to be believers on Sundays, Easters, Wedding days, Christmases, fasting days, prayer days (or hours in some cases) etc etc etc and then only remember the violent parts of the 'holy' words.


I am thinking that when I get to 'heaven' (insert appropriate paradisical location) I am gonna be one of the few people who can look God in the eye.  And I haven't even lived a flawless life.  What I have lived is an honest life in all its ugliness and sometimes all its beauty.  With my luck however, I will get to heaven and there really will be 72 virgins waiting - all women.  I'll be teaching them how to knit.......some men.  That is if I can get them off Facebook long enough.

 The moral of this story is.....
 

Cited by the Writer's Studio on, guess where, Facebook!

 ... so please don't shoot me or unfriend me just because I don't fit in.  Thus have I spoken!


p.s. I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv facebook!!! Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The floom is lifting....

It dawned on me last Wednesday 1 August 2012 that I was in a deep deep fog.  Literally and metaphorically and really really! 

I was driving down the highway on my way to visit  a smaller office that I am supposed to be managing as well while I am here on secondment in the countryside.  I go there once a fortnight.  Two hours up and two hours back.  In one day and at my age it's a stretch.

Last Wednesday was to be my last trip up there since this wednesday is my last day out here and I go back home to my regular home and regular job in the city.

So it was strange to me that after 2 months doing this I should hit the highway on this one day and plunge straight into this morass of early morning fog.

I snapped this pic from the car as I slowed to 40kph from 110kph.  It's not obvious from the pic but I couldn't see much at all as it swirled around me.  I confess I was scared. Not used to driving in fog.

Every few seconds a humungous truck would come roaring out of the floom (that's my contracted work for fucking gloom - sorry to the expletive sensitive amongst you).  It rattled me. I slowed to 30kph. It went on forever it seemed.  Where the hell was the sun? It was 7.30 already.  I was almost in tears.

Everything had gone wrong that morning.  I was not supposed to be making this trip alone - I was supposed to have one of my staff with me so we could share the driving.  But her little son was sick overnight and I let her stay home - yes I let her, I could have insisted she come and she would have.  I had been awake since 4.30am for some reason.  Completely unable to sleep.  So I was tired. And now I was in a white hell.

I kept going, heart in my throat.  I zeroed in on the little white centre lines and started counting them.  Whenever bright lights broke through the floom I held my breath and concentrated on staying on my side of the road.  When the lights passed with a whoosh I let out my breath and tried to get my heart rate back.

Now don't think I am normally such a baby.  I'm not.  But this floom was more than morning mist.  It was in my head too.  And it has been for several months now.  My martyrdom stopped working for me.  My energy sapped and my delusions popped.  Suddenly I am at the scary end of my working life, I nearly lost my husband and my kids are adults.

The scary end of working life is that part when your bosses are wondering how long it is before you snap or breakdown. The scary end is also that part when you are thinking exactly the same thing.  It's scary because you have been doing it so long and wishing you were anywhere else that you did not pave the way for the 'anywhere else'.  Now, it's here.  End of working life looming....house too big and too many stairs... kids old enough not to need me anymore and OMG suddenly I don't know what I am supposed to do.

So I run away to the country to work.  And I end up in the floom.

10 minutes later I emerge and I have made a decision.  Several actually.

I decided:

1. I am too old for this shit
2. I have to sell my house
3.I have to get a different job.

In that moment I wanted to turn around and go home.  I didn't.  I only had 6 working days to go at this secondment and I had to see it through.  So I went to the other office - did my thing and came back.  On Friday I went home to my own house and spent the weekend doing things for my daughter and some gardening.  I hadn't even been outside for weeks. Monday morning I drove back up here for the last 3 days. I finish on Wednesday and then I have 2 days off.

Today my daughter turned 30.  She told the world that I am her 'miracle worker'. She told the world that she loves me.  My son tells me he misses me and my hubby is sulking till I finish this wretched secondment and come home.

My path is clear now.  The future awaits.  It's gonna be a bit scary and a bit stressful to make so many changes in my life.  But, with the decisions made, the burden and the floom begins to lift.

As I sit here in my pretty little apartment, paid for by my employer, enjoying the last 3 days of the solitude that I so yearned for I begin to feel a little bit of excitement.  I am glad I took this secondment and I am glad that it will be over soon.  I needed to prove something by doing it and I did.  I proved that I can do it, but now I am satisfied that I no longer want or need to. It has been a tough lesson.

Kimmy - thank you for the constant messages of love and friendship.
Kat - thank you, I missed me too.
Al - thanks for the wordplay.