5 minutes to cry.....

I want to combine two thoughts into one today.  I am not the author/creator of either of them but they are so meaningful to me.  

Here they are:

1. If you must, cry for only 5 minutes each day......

......and then....

2. Get busy living or get busy dying.

Kim uses the second one a lot and it resonates with me enormously.  However, I guess I feel that some days it is too hard to ignore some of the woes that beset our lives, and especially for me dealing with rheumatoid arthritis.  Sometimes I really do want to sit down and lick my wounds, say 'woe is me' and have a little hissy fit.  Some days I want to hide from the world.  Some days I get sick of being cheerful for the sake of everyone around me. Some days I just want to stay in bed.

I don't, of course, but then what happens is that I push myself and I push myself until I collapse.  I collapse physically and emotionally.  Living with chronic pain does that.  It wears you down.  Unfortunately though I cannot afford to slow down. Not yet.  I am on leave from my job at the moment because I just had to take a break.  But the motives for the break were manifold.  

1. I needed to rest after 23 years with no significant break except for maternity leave (not much of a break really). 
2. I needed to be home to support my son in his final year of high school and help him clock up his 120 hours of driving practice so he could get his licence.
3. There were a lot of jobs needing to be done around the house that could not be done in a weekend.  Given that my job is a tough one, AND that I am oncall 24/7 year round when I am at work, I am not fit for much on a weekend.

In 2 months I return to work but it has been dawning on me that I tend to live my life in extremes.  I am not bipolar but I behave as if I were.  I will work till I drop and then, having no choice about it, I fall in a heap for a week or so.  Even while I have been at home these past 8 months.  Then I get up and do it all again.  I suffer from superwoman syndrome.  I am a self professed martyr.  Why I am like this could fill a book and this is not the time.  But the fact remains that I do not have an off-switch.  Just ask Kim who has come to know me very well.  

So, even when I am bed-ridden I am ebaying to clear the clutter in the house in anticipation of downsizing in the near future, I am making lists, I am giving my husband projects to start till I can get back on my feet and I am crafting for a bit of pocket money.  I have been cooking and cleaning and gardening like a true housewife for the first time in my son's life.  I believe he has enjoyed having his mum home looking after him during such a critical year.  In short, I have become that archetypal professional woman who knows she cannot do it all but tries anyway.

So..... with Kim's words resonating in my head often, plus the other statement, which I heard on Oprah of all places, I think I am building a new philosophy of life. I will never be still, but I think I can start to carve up my days to enjoy a bit of everything.

Hence, I will give myself a 5 minute cry each morning. Then I will just get on with it, remembering to do a bit of what I have to do, some of what I like to do and a chunk of nothing in between.  Shouldn't be hard eh?

What do you think?