.....and no it wasn't.....

Day 2 of the return to work torture and I am already exhausted. 

The day starts when I wake up late and don't even get to work till 9.45am.  I get there to find out I had a 9am meeting with all the new staff who were recruited while I was away.  What a great impression I made.  I reschedule to 11.30am after my 10am meeting which is about to start and I haven't even grabbed a coffee yet.

I tell my 3 meeting buddies that I have till 11am for them to dazzle me. I watch the clock like a hawk and shut down the meeting with the precision of a guillotine.  Three men scatter in surprise.  I have no time for pleasantries today...yes my holiday was wonderful...no I am not happy to be back...yes I will read your crap reports (never), yes I am busy see-ya-later...SLAM!

I have 30 minutes to think about how I am going to restore my reputation with the newbies.  The phone rings.  I am asked to contact a client and apologise for our office's stuff up on a case that has been dragging for months.  I wasn't even here but strangely I really like this task.  I do it immediately.  I feel better after.  I know I do the humility thing with the clients well. I do it well because I believe it when I do it.  I don't believe in getting defensive with them.  If we fucked up then we should say so.  I like these calls with clients because it opens the door for me to say sorry but more importantly to explain our humanness to them.  As a member of the bureaucracy for 24 years I hate that people still think public servants have it easy.  We work hard.  I work like a dog.  The public needs to know that and they will only know that if I can get them on the phone and tell them.

I hang up at 11.29am.  One of the newbies is at the door.  The rest follow. I do my thing.  2of them look a bit nervous.  One doesn't care coz she is leaving in 2 weeks anyway.  The fourth looks like she really really has an opinion and is looking for an opening. I give it to her.  She starts to talk...and talk...and talk. I try to cut in but she keeps talking.  I let her finish.  My next sentence is:
"I don't know if they told you but  I am happy to listen to your opinions only if you will take a breath and let me participate. Also, since I am your boss, if I start speaking you start listening."  This didn't dissuade her.  So the next line from me is "your opinions are good but I do things by the book and I don't care what happened in the office you came from - this is my territory so listen and learn."

I don't think I made 4 new friends today.  It doesn't matter. I am over that phase where as a boss I want to be liked.  That weakens me.  They don't want to like me they want to respect me and trust me.  The only way that will happen is after they see me work.  I can wait. 

It is now noon.  I have another meeting at 2.30pm.  I break open the lunch box and head to the kitchen for a fork.  No forks!  NO FORKS!  I spent $100 before I left on new cutlery for the office.  Where the eff is it?  My admin officer offers me hers.  I am pissed off again.

The next two and a half hours evaporates as I fly through the files and memos on my desk.  All of a sudden it is 2.30.  My meeting is convening behind me.  I turn and start.

3.30pm - I have a headache.  I get an email telling me a piece of work is overdue.  I am on the intercom demanding explanations from my guys. I write back and advise head office they will have it in half an hour. They get it in 15 minutes.

3.45pm another email that 2 pieces of work are overdue - I JUST FREAKING GOT BACK!!  Didn't anyone notice I wasn't here for 10 months?  I grab the files and process them on the database.  I get an email "thank you we have them now".  Yeah you're welcome.

4.15 I want to go home. I have glazed over. I am talking to one of my staff and I just zone out. She asks me a question. I shake my head to snap myself out of it and vertigo hits me.

4.30 - I want to go home.  I'll just print meeting minutes for tomorrow morning's meeting.  I hope I don't forget to come in on time.  I see an email I don't need - delete. I see another - delete.

5.30 - I have deleted about 520 emails.  Suddenly I feel better.  I have left emails from colleagues I like so I can open them and read them.  I open the first, she is welcoming me back and wanting to catch up for a coffee.  Apparently I have been missed.  I get all warm and fuzzy.  The next one is even better and she has added a pic of a gorgeous bunch of flowers.  There is a third and a fourth.  All my angst melts away.  I shut down the PC and get in the car.  Driving home I am happy.

It is strange how even on your worst day a kind word from a friend, an acquaintance or even a stranger can wipe it all away.  At home I check out my last blog and see warm comments from women who get it.  I smile.

9pm - hubby comes home from work and we raid the bar.  I'm surprised I can type at all.  I tasted the Sambucca, I sipped the Bailey's, tequila, vermouth and something else I can't remember the name of.  I have had about a shot glass worth of booze and I am tipsy.  I really am a cheap date.

Now I am drinking a vodka and orange - a whole glass full.  Am thinking the morning meeting might have to be rescheduled.

I'm typing but I am legless.  There are 15 steps to be climbed and I am laughing at the thought of it.  Hubby thinks I have lost my mind - or drunk.  His eyes light up I shoot him down.  Not tonight Josephine.

Life is funny.

Day 3 begins with a coffee..... ahhhhhhhhh! I can't wait.