Thursday 15 March 2012
Question. 'Doctor will you need the CT scans on the day of the operation?'
Answer. No.
Wednesday 21 March 2012 3pm.
Question to Assistant: Will we need the CT scans? We have them in the car just in case.
Answer: No.
Wednesday 21 March 2012 4pm.
Question to Admissions officer: Will we need the CT scans?
Answer: What did the doctor say?
Response: He said no but....
Admissions Officer: Then you won't need them.
Wednesday 21 March 2012 5pm.
Nurse on Ward: Did you bring your scans?
Answer: Yes but the Doctor said he won't need them.
Nurse: Oh no problem then, leave them there.
Wednesday 21 March 2012, 9pm. I get home exhausted from a day on the road and in the hospital with Jeff. I park the car and take out my bag. I look at the CT films in the boot and pick them up. I hesitate and put them back in. I shut the boot and know that Jeff will laugh when I tell him. Apparently I am a stress head.
Thursday 22 March 2012, Noon and the mountain of pre-op paper work begins. Tick Tick, question, check.
Nurse: Have you got the CT scans for doctor?
Jeff: No
Me: Ummm yes I have them in the car. Shall I go and get them?
Nurse: Might be a good idea.
Jeff. But the doctor said he wouldn't need them.
Nurse: Oh then don't worry.
Thursday 22 March 2012, 12.55pm. Theatre staff arrive with a guerney and whisk a very pale and nervous Jeff off to theatre. I settle in for the long wait.
Thursday 22 March 2012, 1.05 pm. I am having a little cry in the private room we were lucky to get. One nurse comes in and offers me a cup of coffee. 30 seconds later another nurse comes in hurriedly.
Nurse 2: Mrs B, doctor needs the CT scans. Where are they?
Me: In the car.
Nurse 2: Is it far?
Me: not for you guys but for me a 20 minute round trip (uphill no less).
Nurse 2: Ok Hurry!
Question: At what point does one scream??????
Oh well...all's well that ends well.
Surgery was successful and Jeff is recovering. Still waiting on biopsy results but there is nothing I can do about that.
Autumn
Friday, March 23, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
The sounds of silence....
The clock ticks.
The cats licks its paw.
The house creaks.
A truck brakes on the freeway beyond.
An engine rumbles for a takeoff at the airport.
A dog barks.
The compressor on the fridge starts a cooling cycle.
Another dog barks.
I listen to the whirring of the fan in my laptop and my fingers tap tap on the keyboard. But when I stop and listen to the world around me there is no silence. Only emptiness.
The house creaks again.
Above me I hear Jeff turning in the bed. His sleep is restless. Mine did not come.
The sounds of silence are shattering when sleep absconds and you are left with your thoughts. Even thoughts make sounds. A sigh, a long inhale and a slow exhale.
The clock ticks.
Now I notice the hum of the modem on the desk. I hadn't noticed it before in the busy-ness of life.
The cat sighs and twitches in its sleep.
The clock ticks.
The sounds of silence are evidence that the world goes on with or without you.
The clocks tick, modems hum, fridges whirr and the cat now snores. The wind chimes in and branches scratch against the window. In the midst of all this silence I am alone.
It will not last. In a few short hours the world will wake again and we will be one more sleep away from a day that will prove difficult to endure.
A plane flies overhead - these are the international flights departing after midnight. Hundreds of people will be looking down at the city lights and have no clue that I am listening. And I am listening. But I do not hear what I want to hear. I do not hear God telling me it will be alright. I do not hear it. And I do so wish I could.
*****
Sunday, March 18, 2012
The great cook off....
As I was chatting with a girlfriend over coffee today I lamented as to how I was going to cope this week when hubby has his operation.
I just couldn't think how I was going to have meals on the table when I didn't even know where I would be each evening. My son can cook but it isn't fair for him to come home from Uni and have to cook for us for whatever time I get home from the hospital each day. It just seemed a logistical nightmare.
I had a 1kg pack of mince thawed to make a bolognese with and knew I would freeze half of it. So there were 2 meals.
Well, says my friend, what other meat do you have in the freezer?
And so the big cook off began.
2 packs of chicken thighlets and a pack of stewing beef were whipped out of the freezer and dumped in a sink full of lukewarm water. NO I was not gonna kills us with bacteria - not THAT dumb. Just wanted them to soften so I could break up the meats.
I put the bolognese on to cook and left it on low. Started on the stew and had that bubbling pretty soon.
Next I remembered that I had most of a store bought roasted chicken left from a lazy dinner yesterday. So all that nice meat became the filling for 7 chicken pot pies. Had pastry in the freezer from the last time.
Finally the chicken became french onion chicken casserole. Normally I make this with a packet of french onion soup - but as luck ( MY luck) would have it I had run out. So I made it up. Chopped lots of onions, added 2 chicken stock cubes, threw in some frozen leftover Xmas ham and carrots and voila..... french onion chicken casserole a la Marlia!. There WAS a little more to it than that but you get the gist.
I had everything cooking at the same time by 3.30pm. My plan had been only to make a cake and bolognese today.
Interestingly, cooking while chatting with a friend made the time just fly.
Next I decided we needed snack food. So out came the mixing bowls and my famous cinammon apple muffins were under way. There are dozens of apples on the ground under the tree and there is no better way to use them up.
50 muffins later I am done. Everything is cooked. Everything is cooling. I only wish I had taken a picture of the sink!.
We now have meals for the week and muffins for dessert or snacks.
Once everything cooled the tupperware got a workout.
I can get 7 meals out of this lot with either a salad or some pasta or rice on the side.
Heated Muffins with ice cream or custard for dessert and we are set.
I am absolutely exhausted but happier than I have been all week. I remembered a vignette from my childhood when Sunday was baking day and the house reeked of the smells of greek sweets. Most of our sweets are either drowned in sugar syrup or dusted with sugar. Either way they keep for months. Something to do with the lack of refrigeraton in mediterranean classical greece. We still make our sweets the same way thousands of years later.
But my mark on the world is my apple muffins.
Wish you had smellavision....Mr Wonka let us down on that score!
Now it is 7pm Sunday night. Work tomorrow and Tuesday and then the big day dawns. Admission on Wednesday and the operation on Thursday. But I'm ready! No idea how Jeff is feeling but this domestic blitz has left me feeling a bit more in control and therefore a bit more composed. Now I can support him better.
Oh and for those who counted - there WERE 50 muffins...just that some accidentally broke and fell into my and No. 1 son Jeremy's mouths...honest! They really did!
....and if you believed that you'll believe anything...hehehehehe
I just couldn't think how I was going to have meals on the table when I didn't even know where I would be each evening. My son can cook but it isn't fair for him to come home from Uni and have to cook for us for whatever time I get home from the hospital each day. It just seemed a logistical nightmare.
I had a 1kg pack of mince thawed to make a bolognese with and knew I would freeze half of it. So there were 2 meals.
Well, says my friend, what other meat do you have in the freezer?
And so the big cook off began.
2 packs of chicken thighlets and a pack of stewing beef were whipped out of the freezer and dumped in a sink full of lukewarm water. NO I was not gonna kills us with bacteria - not THAT dumb. Just wanted them to soften so I could break up the meats.
I put the bolognese on to cook and left it on low. Started on the stew and had that bubbling pretty soon.
Next I remembered that I had most of a store bought roasted chicken left from a lazy dinner yesterday. So all that nice meat became the filling for 7 chicken pot pies. Had pastry in the freezer from the last time.
Finally the chicken became french onion chicken casserole. Normally I make this with a packet of french onion soup - but as luck ( MY luck) would have it I had run out. So I made it up. Chopped lots of onions, added 2 chicken stock cubes, threw in some frozen leftover Xmas ham and carrots and voila..... french onion chicken casserole a la Marlia!. There WAS a little more to it than that but you get the gist.
I had everything cooking at the same time by 3.30pm. My plan had been only to make a cake and bolognese today.
Interestingly, cooking while chatting with a friend made the time just fly.
Next I decided we needed snack food. So out came the mixing bowls and my famous cinammon apple muffins were under way. There are dozens of apples on the ground under the tree and there is no better way to use them up.
50 muffins later I am done. Everything is cooked. Everything is cooling. I only wish I had taken a picture of the sink!.
We now have meals for the week and muffins for dessert or snacks.
Once everything cooled the tupperware got a workout.
Heated Muffins with ice cream or custard for dessert and we are set.
I am absolutely exhausted but happier than I have been all week. I remembered a vignette from my childhood when Sunday was baking day and the house reeked of the smells of greek sweets. Most of our sweets are either drowned in sugar syrup or dusted with sugar. Either way they keep for months. Something to do with the lack of refrigeraton in mediterranean classical greece. We still make our sweets the same way thousands of years later.
But my mark on the world is my apple muffins.
Wish you had smellavision....Mr Wonka let us down on that score!
Now it is 7pm Sunday night. Work tomorrow and Tuesday and then the big day dawns. Admission on Wednesday and the operation on Thursday. But I'm ready! No idea how Jeff is feeling but this domestic blitz has left me feeling a bit more in control and therefore a bit more composed. Now I can support him better.
Oh and for those who counted - there WERE 50 muffins...just that some accidentally broke and fell into my and No. 1 son Jeremy's mouths...honest! They really did!
....and if you believed that you'll believe anything...hehehehehe
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Diagnosis C
Ok so now we know. Cancer. The word should have exploded from the doctor's mouth. There should have been a collective human gasp enveloping us. The floor should have shook and the walls should have shuddered. Because that is what was happening inside me.
Instead. The word was spoken softly by a man who has said it many many times, perhaps too many, to many many people...and again too many.
He said it and he paused. My world 'contracted thus' and all I could hear was the whooshing of my heartbeat in my ears. I remembered myself in a moment and reached out to hold Jeff's hand.
All I could think about was what would happen to me. Isn't it sad? All I could think about was how I was going to tell his daughter, or how I would manage his recovery. All I could think about was how I was feeling.
Then I looked at Jeff. I saw the panic in his eyes. I saw him sitting rigid trying to listen to the doctor and absorb the information that was now coming fast at us.
What a lonely time for the patient! What a lonely time for the wife of the patient!
Now it is mid afternoon. All the arrangements are made. Most of the calls/text/emails to family and friends have been seen to. Return calls/emails and texts are piling up. Many will call tonight when they get home from work. We have tacitly agreed a script just from hearing each other talk to others. I wish I was at work. I will go tomorrow even though the fear in my heart is overwhelming.
We may be lucky and they get it all. We may be lucky that we never ever have another problem with it. We may be lucky. But luck has not been my friend in this life.
Instead. The word was spoken softly by a man who has said it many many times, perhaps too many, to many many people...and again too many.
He said it and he paused. My world 'contracted thus' and all I could hear was the whooshing of my heartbeat in my ears. I remembered myself in a moment and reached out to hold Jeff's hand.
All I could think about was what would happen to me. Isn't it sad? All I could think about was how I was going to tell his daughter, or how I would manage his recovery. All I could think about was how I was feeling.
Then I looked at Jeff. I saw the panic in his eyes. I saw him sitting rigid trying to listen to the doctor and absorb the information that was now coming fast at us.
What a lonely time for the patient! What a lonely time for the wife of the patient!
Now it is mid afternoon. All the arrangements are made. Most of the calls/text/emails to family and friends have been seen to. Return calls/emails and texts are piling up. Many will call tonight when they get home from work. We have tacitly agreed a script just from hearing each other talk to others. I wish I was at work. I will go tomorrow even though the fear in my heart is overwhelming.
We may be lucky and they get it all. We may be lucky that we never ever have another problem with it. We may be lucky. But luck has not been my friend in this life.
Friday, March 9, 2012
no news is.......
no news!
A whole day on the road. Surgeons, CT scans, bloods and other unmentionables and we know nothing yet.
AND - to top it all off it is a long weekend in Melbourne so no results till Thursday.
AND - the surgeon cost us $170 just for 10 minutes of his time. Though I confess we liked him until he said...'I don't want to get ahead of myself" and slapped 2 brochures on the desk called "Kidney Cancer" and "Treating Kidney Cancer". I mean geez louise...couldn't ya save that for next week. The second brochure comes with a DVD no less. Prime time family viewing??? I want to do a piece on this prochure - it is really a prize - but not tonight. Maybe tomorrow.
What impressed me the most about this guy? - apart from the obvious ( he's gonna maybe have to save my hubby's life) was his:
I wish MY assitant - the fictitious one I make up for myself when I need an ego boost - greeted me with a "good morning Mrs B would you like a cup of tea?" And if she did I would know absolutely and categorically that I was dreaming!.
So, no news, is just that. If I wasn't so darned tired I would actually fret a little. But I am well past that just now.
See you in a few days I guess.....
A whole day on the road. Surgeons, CT scans, bloods and other unmentionables and we know nothing yet.
AND - to top it all off it is a long weekend in Melbourne so no results till Thursday.
AND - the surgeon cost us $170 just for 10 minutes of his time. Though I confess we liked him until he said...'I don't want to get ahead of myself" and slapped 2 brochures on the desk called "Kidney Cancer" and "Treating Kidney Cancer". I mean geez louise...couldn't ya save that for next week. The second brochure comes with a DVD no less. Prime time family viewing??? I want to do a piece on this prochure - it is really a prize - but not tonight. Maybe tomorrow.
What impressed me the most about this guy? - apart from the obvious ( he's gonna maybe have to save my hubby's life) was his:
- hand made suit
- soft white hands
- immaculate office
- punctuality ( big brownie points for that - I mean he got there before they even finished processing Jeff.)
- Awards and Diplomas covering an entire wall
- alphabetised pathology pads ( I mean really and truly I kid you not)
- Middle aged
- coiffed to within an inch of every hair's life
- made up like a pro - and I mean a professional not a you-know-what. NO Al Penwasser not even a professional you -know-what...LOL
- Crisply ironed shirt and pressed seams on her jacket.
- perfect nails - not stick ons
- and elocution that would put the Queen of England to shame.
"Good morning Mr Harewood" Mister...did you notice? That makes him an Associate Professer type Doctor - ooooooh are we impressed? I was! "how was your trip in sir?" she asks. "Can I offer you a cup of tea?" I ALMOST said yes thank you..... but somehow her puckered lips didn't invite levity at that moment when she was greeting her lord and master.Truly, honestly, really that's what she said when he came in. I had to do a double take and snuck a look up to the corner of the room for a candid camera. I mean what century are we in where an assistant actually ACTS like an assistant?
I wish MY assitant - the fictitious one I make up for myself when I need an ego boost - greeted me with a "good morning Mrs B would you like a cup of tea?" And if she did I would know absolutely and categorically that I was dreaming!.
So, no news, is just that. If I wasn't so darned tired I would actually fret a little. But I am well past that just now.
See you in a few days I guess.....
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Life is a game of DodgeBall...
So.... 2 days ago hubby comes home with a slight medical problem I had a lot of fun with at his expense. But then it was the second time in 6 months so this time no mucking around and off to the doctor the next morning with him.
That was yesterday. Doctor says "hmm we need an ultrasound".
So off to what should have given me more ammo for fun tonight with jokes about KY jelly in certain nether regions being wasted.
That was this morning.
Tonight I sit here trying sooooooo darned hard not to cry. We have each taken a corner of the room and the big fat white howling elephant in the room has a name that starts with "C".
Out of the blue. Out of nowhere.
A swelling in the groin = possible cancer on the kidney. 6 months ago there was nothing there. Now a 2-inch thing that looks like fairy floss - cotton candy for the Americans in the wings - is carcinoma-like.
Jeff is 44 years old.
We met on March 21, 2001 when I travelled to upstate New York to meet a friend - him.
He proposed on April 19 2001.
He moved to Melbourne to be with me in February 2002.
We got married April 19 2011 on our 10th anniversary from the first proposal.
I didn't want a relationship with a man so much younger than me. I didn't want a relationship - period! But he was persuasive.
I didn't want to lumber him with a woman 9 years older who might become infirm and need looking after. I must be psychic because 4 years after he came here I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Not a death sentence, but a life sentence. After that I didn't want to marry him because I didn't want him to become my nursemaid. I am proud that way.
Now I sit here and I am scared to death. Not scared that I will lose my carer, but that I will lose my husband. After making him wait 10 years and not wanting to be a Mrs again - it is suddenly so precious to me.
My stomach won't settle, my heart is palpitating. I am telling myself it will turn out to just be a cyst. I am telling that to myself. But then I remember how the ultrasonographer wouldn't let him leave and then came out and told him to go straight back to the doctor, right then and there, and handed him the films and a letter.
I joke to myself that it will be a false alarm and we will laugh tomorrow and then I remember that the Doctor said the 'c' word and dialled the Urologist right then and there and booked us in for tomorrow.
I am trying to stay calm but I just can't. Kim met Jeff 10 years ago as he travelled through LAX to Melbourne. Kim's daughter is at this moment undergoing chemo. I need to talk to her but she is sleeping right now.
I need to talk to someone - anyone - who is not inside the family. I don't want to panic the family but my face won't cooperate.
This time tomorrow I sooooooo want to be saying 'phew - false alarm'. But I am so so so so very very scared right now.
One year ago, almost, I was laughing as we cut our wedding cake. I can't even remember why I was laughing now, but I was in a fit of giggles. A blushing bride at 52, never ever having believed that I could ever find joy in life after my history.
Well the bottom line is this. If it is a false alarm I will post late tomorrow night. And if it is not.......well, I'm not religious but KAT I may need some of your prayers.
Not looking for sympathy my friends - but sooooo needed to unload this somewhere. I have had a lot of friends and family succumb, I watch TV and hear all the talk. But no one EVER mentioned the mind numbing fear that makes you nauseous and incapable of rational thought while you wait for the final diagnosis.
Kimmy - NOW I REALLY know what you are going through.
Fingers, toes and eyes all crossed for tomorrow.
That was yesterday. Doctor says "hmm we need an ultrasound".
So off to what should have given me more ammo for fun tonight with jokes about KY jelly in certain nether regions being wasted.
That was this morning.
Tonight I sit here trying sooooooo darned hard not to cry. We have each taken a corner of the room and the big fat white howling elephant in the room has a name that starts with "C".
Out of the blue. Out of nowhere.
A swelling in the groin = possible cancer on the kidney. 6 months ago there was nothing there. Now a 2-inch thing that looks like fairy floss - cotton candy for the Americans in the wings - is carcinoma-like.
Jeff is 44 years old.
We met on March 21, 2001 when I travelled to upstate New York to meet a friend - him.
He proposed on April 19 2001.
He moved to Melbourne to be with me in February 2002.
We got married April 19 2011 on our 10th anniversary from the first proposal.
I didn't want a relationship with a man so much younger than me. I didn't want a relationship - period! But he was persuasive.
I didn't want to lumber him with a woman 9 years older who might become infirm and need looking after. I must be psychic because 4 years after he came here I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Not a death sentence, but a life sentence. After that I didn't want to marry him because I didn't want him to become my nursemaid. I am proud that way.
Now I sit here and I am scared to death. Not scared that I will lose my carer, but that I will lose my husband. After making him wait 10 years and not wanting to be a Mrs again - it is suddenly so precious to me.
My stomach won't settle, my heart is palpitating. I am telling myself it will turn out to just be a cyst. I am telling that to myself. But then I remember how the ultrasonographer wouldn't let him leave and then came out and told him to go straight back to the doctor, right then and there, and handed him the films and a letter.
I joke to myself that it will be a false alarm and we will laugh tomorrow and then I remember that the Doctor said the 'c' word and dialled the Urologist right then and there and booked us in for tomorrow.
I am trying to stay calm but I just can't. Kim met Jeff 10 years ago as he travelled through LAX to Melbourne. Kim's daughter is at this moment undergoing chemo. I need to talk to her but she is sleeping right now.
I need to talk to someone - anyone - who is not inside the family. I don't want to panic the family but my face won't cooperate.
This time tomorrow I sooooooo want to be saying 'phew - false alarm'. But I am so so so so very very scared right now.
One year ago, almost, I was laughing as we cut our wedding cake. I can't even remember why I was laughing now, but I was in a fit of giggles. A blushing bride at 52, never ever having believed that I could ever find joy in life after my history.
Well the bottom line is this. If it is a false alarm I will post late tomorrow night. And if it is not.......well, I'm not religious but KAT I may need some of your prayers.
Not looking for sympathy my friends - but sooooo needed to unload this somewhere. I have had a lot of friends and family succumb, I watch TV and hear all the talk. But no one EVER mentioned the mind numbing fear that makes you nauseous and incapable of rational thought while you wait for the final diagnosis.
Kimmy - NOW I REALLY know what you are going through.
Fingers, toes and eyes all crossed for tomorrow.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
I'm so tired I'm watching cricket.....
because the remote is too far away. And by that I mean I would have to actually stand up to get it.
I'm so tired that scratching my ass involves a hike to the kitchen to get a wooden spoon so I can reach around - reach being the operative word- even though....
I'm so tired I can't be bothered scratching my ass.
I'm so tired that I buzzed a staff member on the intercom to go and check my pigeonhole for the number of the last invoice I paid coz....
I'm so tired I forgot what it was.
I'm so tired that a walk around my garden involves stepping out onto the veranda and turning my head left and then right.
I'm so tired that today I didn't use the 'f' word even once - I just couldn't be bothered working up enough 'care' factor to say it because.....
I'm so tired.
But there is one good thing about being so tired - you sure do see things differently. It is a whole thing about asking one's self "does this really need to be done"?
And the answer is "No, self, it does not really need to be done".
Now I live with pain as part of my existence these days and I can still push through it. But yesterday I was floored by a bout of vertigo - not my first and for sure not my last- and I gotta tell you that when you are sitting at the steering wheel of a 6-cylinder company car YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET VERTIGO!
Yet I did. The only saving grace was that I was just back from a meeting and trying to reverse the car into the carpark. I so wish someone had taken a picture of it. Little Miss Perfect left it at a 45 degree angle across two bays and a ramp. I left it with the door open and my head hanging out as I barfed up every meal I ever ate in my whole life while the world reversed both its axes and laughed at me. Fortunately for them - the 3 staff who were standing a few feet away enjoying a 'death stick' on company time - didn't laugh. They just ran.
Why did I get vertigo? Stress, weariness, stress, tiredness, stress and creeping infirmity. Why did I get vertigo? Because I just don't know when to quit.
I have been back at work for 5 weeks. I have worked about 50 hours each week. I am dried up and empty already. I miss being home, I miss blogging, I miss not dealing with other people's personal baggage - I have enough of my own. I miss my garden, I miss my friends. I miss my kitchen and my chair and my laptop and my morning coffee. I miss finishing the puzzles in the paper each morning. I miss not having 6 meetings in a day. I miss the quiet.
So if anyone was wondering - or had even noticed - why I am not blogging so much these days, read the whole blog not just the punch line at the end.
I just have to pull my shit together. Especially since I just noticed that I have 2 more followers all of a sudden. Thank you to them for for joining and thank you to the rest of you for keeping the 'view' meter ticking over even when I am not blogging anything interesting.
I am going to reorganise my head and my life. Work sucks and so I have decided I don't want it anymore.
Ok so I will by 10 Tatts tickets this weekend and cross fingers and toes......
In the meantime I am going to ...awww crap... I'm to tired!
I'm so tired that scratching my ass involves a hike to the kitchen to get a wooden spoon so I can reach around - reach being the operative word- even though....
I'm so tired I can't be bothered scratching my ass.
I'm so tired that I buzzed a staff member on the intercom to go and check my pigeonhole for the number of the last invoice I paid coz....
I'm so tired I forgot what it was.
I'm so tired that a walk around my garden involves stepping out onto the veranda and turning my head left and then right.
I'm so tired that today I didn't use the 'f' word even once - I just couldn't be bothered working up enough 'care' factor to say it because.....
I'm so tired.
But there is one good thing about being so tired - you sure do see things differently. It is a whole thing about asking one's self "does this really need to be done"?
And the answer is "No, self, it does not really need to be done".
Now I live with pain as part of my existence these days and I can still push through it. But yesterday I was floored by a bout of vertigo - not my first and for sure not my last- and I gotta tell you that when you are sitting at the steering wheel of a 6-cylinder company car YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET VERTIGO!
Yet I did. The only saving grace was that I was just back from a meeting and trying to reverse the car into the carpark. I so wish someone had taken a picture of it. Little Miss Perfect left it at a 45 degree angle across two bays and a ramp. I left it with the door open and my head hanging out as I barfed up every meal I ever ate in my whole life while the world reversed both its axes and laughed at me. Fortunately for them - the 3 staff who were standing a few feet away enjoying a 'death stick' on company time - didn't laugh. They just ran.
Why did I get vertigo? Stress, weariness, stress, tiredness, stress and creeping infirmity. Why did I get vertigo? Because I just don't know when to quit.
I have been back at work for 5 weeks. I have worked about 50 hours each week. I am dried up and empty already. I miss being home, I miss blogging, I miss not dealing with other people's personal baggage - I have enough of my own. I miss my garden, I miss my friends. I miss my kitchen and my chair and my laptop and my morning coffee. I miss finishing the puzzles in the paper each morning. I miss not having 6 meetings in a day. I miss the quiet.
So if anyone was wondering - or had even noticed - why I am not blogging so much these days, read the whole blog not just the punch line at the end.
I just have to pull my shit together. Especially since I just noticed that I have 2 more followers all of a sudden. Thank you to them for for joining and thank you to the rest of you for keeping the 'view' meter ticking over even when I am not blogging anything interesting.
I am going to reorganise my head and my life. Work sucks and so I have decided I don't want it anymore.
Ok so I will by 10 Tatts tickets this weekend and cross fingers and toes......
In the meantime I am going to ...awww crap... I'm to tired!
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