The clock ticks.
The cats licks its paw.
The house creaks.
A truck brakes on the freeway beyond.
An engine rumbles for a takeoff at the airport.
A dog barks.
The compressor on the fridge starts a cooling cycle.
Another dog barks.
I listen to the whirring of the fan in my laptop and my fingers tap tap on the keyboard. But when I stop and listen to the world around me there is no silence. Only emptiness.
The house creaks again.
Above me I hear Jeff turning in the bed. His sleep is restless. Mine did not come.
The sounds of silence are shattering when sleep absconds and you are left with your thoughts. Even thoughts make sounds. A sigh, a long inhale and a slow exhale.
The clock ticks.
Now I notice the hum of the modem on the desk. I hadn't noticed it before in the busy-ness of life.
The cat sighs and twitches in its sleep.
The clock ticks.
The sounds of silence are evidence that the world goes on with or without you.
The clocks tick, modems hum, fridges whirr and the cat now snores. The wind chimes in and branches scratch against the window. In the midst of all this silence I am alone.
It will not last. In a few short hours the world will wake again and we will be one more sleep away from a day that will prove difficult to endure.
A plane flies overhead - these are the international flights departing after midnight. Hundreds of people will be looking down at the city lights and have no clue that I am listening. And I am listening. But I do not hear what I want to hear. I do not hear God telling me it will be alright. I do not hear it. And I do so wish I could.
*****
I wish you could hear me calling to you across the ocean, my friend. I am there with you in spirit and in your heart, standing beside you in the hospital as the prep work begins......you are never alone.
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